sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
