Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
