all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
