I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
