not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if only i could text you this smell
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize