I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
