I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
