The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
