I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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