return my video game
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
