You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
