no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize