He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
