i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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