He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
