I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
