she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
