Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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