Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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