this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
