I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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