If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
