And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
