So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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