Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
