Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
