remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
