Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
bring money and cleavage
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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