I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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