her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
