and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
