Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
