I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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