u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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