i'm signing you up for texting rehab
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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