If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
