He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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