we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
