Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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