i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
