My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
