Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
