clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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