My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
