He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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