He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
