Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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