my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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