last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize