so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
