i barfeds in our rink
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
