Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
