I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
