How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
40s are totally the cure
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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