This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
