I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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