Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This baby is an asshole
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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