awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just googled if crying burns calories
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
