dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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