sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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