did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
