you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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