Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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