Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
