Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
