Soap is not a condiment
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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