I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
