Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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