Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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