A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize