i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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