I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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