Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
