i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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