please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
