This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
