I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
