ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
