we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Come share oat with me in your robe
my liver is dry heaving
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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