I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize