your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
