I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
