Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
