I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
