So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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