if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
