I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
