fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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