Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
