About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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