God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
