This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
