Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
