Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize