There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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