I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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