i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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