you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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