Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
