Buhtt sex?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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